NEEDY
Vs. 7: “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.”
Vs. 8: “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” John 13
I change a lot of diapers right now, and my daughter has no idea of the vulnerability taking place between us as I clean her little body multiple times a day. She just smiles, wiggles around, and occasionally cries as I tend to the mess her flesh naturally creates. As her mother, I am not shocked by the mess. I would never shame her for needing to be washed. I actually enjoy it. I love creating a safe place for her to be in need and to be cleaned.
If I feel this way toward my daughter, I can only imagine how much more pure God’s approach is toward me when I’m in need. Our culture is designed in such a way that maturity is measured by our independence. We are trained and raised to be able to take care of ourselves. But in Christ’s Kingdom, maturity is measured by our dependence. It’s not about our ability to live out His truths independently of Him.
As I get older, I am learning that it’s not embarrassing or weak to be needy; it is a gift. If I can accept it, it can even be a relief. A relief to realize I am not responsible for cleaning myself. I am only responsible for positioning myself to be cleaned; to humbly and vulnerably let God wash me, to let Him love me and tend to my mess. Sometimes I may smile through it; other times I may wiggle and cry at the uncomfortable vulnerability of it all.
When I have read this passage of Scripture in John 13, I often focused on the washing and the cleaning Jesus requires. Like the disciples, I feel awkward letting Jesus wash me. But the more I read this passage, the more I realize Jesus isn’t washing me so I can simply be perfect and clean -
He’s washing me in order to share Himself with me.
The whole point of being needy isn’t to be needy for neediness’ sake; it’s neediness unto nearness. The point is to share with Christ in suffering, vulnerability, and glory. It’s easy to share in the joyful and exciting moments, but if I’m not careful, I can miss the beauty of sharing my weakness with Him. After all, if I never share my weakness with Him, I can’t share in His strength for me.
Action:
Take time today to read John 13:1–20. Read it slowly. Put yourself at the table with the disciples. See Jesus taking off His outer garment and placing the towel around His waist. Hear the water in the bowl and feel the drops of water falling from the towel as He begins to wash your feet.
Share with Him in weakness and in strength.
Prayer:
Jesus, thank You for Your humility. Thank You for not requiring me to clean myself alone, and for relieving me of the pressure to always put my best foot forward. Thank You that I can be needy and vulnerable with You. I receive Your washing today. I receive Your love for me today that makes me whole. Help me continue to come to You and experience the joy of finding You in my need.
I love You, Jesus. Amen.
-Elyssa Figueroa